Good Parenting Definition – 5 Tips
There are five anchors to Good Parenting Definition. These are what I call the five C’s.
Good Parenting Definition TIP#1 Connect
Good Parenting Definition TIP#2 Coach
Good Parenting Definition TIP#3 Care
Good Parenting Definition TIP#4 Community
Good Parenting Definition TIP#5 Commit
Good Parenting Definition TIP#1
The first one is connect. Connect means your relationship with your child is the bond you share with a child and I think that is the foundation of the relationship. That’s a foundation of parenting really and if that connection is not strong, then in parenting, there is really something seriously going wrong. I believe parenting or connecting is like an emotional bank account. You make deposits in it. You make withdraws.
And of course, the withdraws are inevitable. There will be times when you’ll be irritable, snap at the child, or nag the child. That is inevitable, but as long as you’re making enough deposits in the child, in the relationship with the child, then the connection is strong.
One aspect I would like to highlight to build a connection of the child is recognition. Many times as parents, we like to think that by praising the child, we are doing a great job. We praise the child and that’s great, but I believe praise can be quite damaging to the child. There’s a lot of research that’s happening now in the area of growth mindset. There’s a researcher or a psychologist called Carol Dweck from Stanford University who talks about how praise can actually be damaging to the child.
Because the child is getting the praise, “You are intelligent” or “You are pretty or you are smart,” then the child kind of thinks, “This is the way I am and I don’t want to push that skin much.”
However, if you recognize, it’s different from praising. Recognition is when you are specific about it. When you tell the child, “I appreciate the effort you put in this” or “I like the hard work you did” or “I like the way you are very considerate with your brother” or “I like the way you are very generous with your toys” or “I like the courage you showed in standing up to the bullies,” this helps the child grow in a positive direction.
So, you are being very specific there. You are appreciating a quality or a skill in a child, which can grow. That’s the way you can build connection with your child.
Good Parenting Definition TIP#2
The second C that I would like to highlight is Coach. I like to believe that parents are like coaches. Their job is to help the child build their skills. Each child is wired differently. Children are good in certain things. Certain children are not good at certain things.
Some children might be very well rounded. They’re good in academics, have good time management skills, organize things well, or be good at sports.
Some children have difficulties in some areas. They might have a learning disability. They might have attention difficulties or they might be disorganized. They might be struggling with academics.
Whatever the difficulties are, it’s very important for parents to understand that they are like coaches and all of these are like skills. Their job is to help the child build these skills and to understand.
Suppose my child is struggling with reading. On a scale of zero to ten, I think the child is a three and my expectation is the child should be at a scale of eight. Obviously, you’re going to create problems.
If my focus becomes on how I can help come down to the child’s level at three and help the child move from 3 to 3.5, then 3.5 to 4, that’s a growth mindset. That is the coaching approach where you help, when you go to the child’s level and help the child build the skills.
Good Parenting Definition TIP#3
The third C is Care. Parents think it’s care of the children, but actually, it is about care of the parents. How do parents take care of themselves, especially mothers?
You need to take care of yourself. So, the very important question is, “Is the mother doing things which makes her happy?” Are there things that make her happy, in terms of her relationship with her friends, relationship with her husband, her hobbies, or her interests. Are they all going fine? Is she able to enjoy her life or her single focus has become her children.
If her single focus is the children, then there’s going to be a problem. A mother can get really stressed out. We know through research that intensive parenting where the mothers make their parenting the single mission can be very damaging for the mother and for the children.
So care of the parent is extremely important.
Good Parenting Definition TIP#4
The fourth C I would like to highlight is Community. When I talk about community, I am referring to a saying, ” It takes a village to raise a child.” I really believe in that and I think as our families are changing, we are becoming very isolated. We are nuclear families. Many times we don’t have a neighborhood.
It’s for families to find communities. If they don’t have families, it could be friends, or a school. Parents in the school or teachers in the school, whatever for that child to have a lot of adults in their family or in their network in the community who are there to take care of them is a very important aspect of parenting .
Good Parenting Definition TIP#5
The fifth aspect of parenting is Commitment. Parenting is one relationship where there is no way out. In any other relationship, you can take a break from it and say, “Okay, I can’t deal with it.” As far as parenting is concerned, the buck stops with you.
It could be your baby who’s crying at night. Your baby is giving you sleepless nights. Your child is not settling in school. Your child is struggling with academics. Your child feels lonely. It’s a different difficulty with the child. It’s your commitment that keeps you going every day. Parenting requires a huge amount of courage and a huge amount of compassion from the parents to continue in this journey.